Happy New Year!
Let’s talk about something we all do usually without realizing it.
Something uncomfortable shows up. A feeling. A situation. A moment we did not plan for.
And almost immediately, we add a second reaction on top of it. Things like….
Ugh. This should not be happening.
Why am I still like this?
I need this to stop now!
Here is the line I keep coming back to lately. A quote often attributed to Tara Brach.
“Resistance never eases our suffering, it just adds another layer.”
Honestly, it is rude how true this is.
Because there is already the hard thing. The discomfort, the stress, the sadness, the uncertainty. That part is unavoidable sometimes. Life does its thing.
But then we pile on by judging ourselves for feeling off and arguing with reality. Trying to think our way out of an experience and getting mad that we are not past it yet.
That is the extra layer. And it is exhausting!
To be clear, resistance makes total sense. It is not a flaw. It is your nervous system saying, I do not like this and I want out! Fair. But here is the twist. Fighting what is already here usually makes it stick around longer.
One truth that helps a lot of people is Acceptance does not mean liking it.
It does not mean giving up, agreeing, or staying stuck forever. It just means you are making room for what already is. And that frees up energy, the kind you actually need.
Here are a few ways to practice this that actually work in real life.
Not perfectly. Just realistically.
- Separate what is happening from what you are telling yourself about it.
Try asking, what is the uncomfortable experience here and what is the story I am layering on top of it.
One is information. The other is optional commentary. You can notice both without believing both.
- Trade urgency for care.
When the impulse is make this stop, gently ask instead, what would support my well-being in this moment.
Support can be small. A glass of water. Standing up and stretching. One deep, slow breath.
- Let the feeling be present without putting it in charge.
You are allowed to say, I see you feeling, without handing over your power to it.
Feelings can exist without making decisions for you. - Make it a short agreement, not a lifelong commitment.
You are not accepting this forever. You are just agreeing to stop fighting it. Then you can decide again. And again.
If you are feeling resistance, it does not mean you are regressing. It usually means something tender got touched and your system is trying to protect you.
You are already carrying enough. You do not need to fight yourself too.
Take a breath. This counts as progress too.
