I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the stories we tell ourselves shape how we experience the world.
In Black culture, there’s a saying my grandmother used to repeat all the time: “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21)
That wasn’t just Sunday church talk…it was wisdom about how deeply our words and thoughts influence what we see, what we believe, and how we feel about ourselves.
Because here’s the thing: our minds are always looking for evidence to confirm what we already believe. If we’re stuck in pessimistic thought patterns, believing things never work out for us, or that good things “just aren’t for people like us,” our brain will keep finding reasons to prove it true.
And once those thoughts take root, they start sneaking into how we speak:
- We talk ourselves out of opportunities because we’re convinced we’ll fail.
- We assume people are judging us, so we keep them at a distance.
- We minimize our own accomplishments and speak harshly to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to someone we love.
I see this all the time with my clients. And I’ve been there myself.
The words we speak, and the thoughts we think, are powerful. Whether we realize it or not, they’re shaping the reality we wake up to every day. If we constantly tell ourselves the worst will happen, we start moving through the world expecting disappointment.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here’s what I encourage you to try this month:
Catch the thought. When you hear that voice saying, “This won’t work,” or “I’m not enough,” pause and notice it. Awareness is the first step.
Challenge it. Ask yourself: Is this the absolute truth? Or is this fear talking? Is there another possibility I’m overlooking?
Change it. Speak a new truth out loud, even if you’re not 100% convinced yet. Try: “I’m figuring it out.” or “I deserve good things, just like anyone else.”
This isn’t about toxic positivity. I’m not telling you to slap a smile on and pretend everything’s perfect. This is about shifting your lens so you can see the options and possibilities that pessimism tries to hide from you.
Because as Kendrick Lamar said… “If I’m gon’ tell a real story, I’m gon’ start with my name.” The real story you’re telling starts with how you talk to yourself because those words become your reality. (Side note, I love Kendrick Lamar, he is brilliant and if you don’t know him you should!)
So this month, watch your words. Speak life into yourself. Speak possibility. Speak compassion. Your story deserves that
